The Chrysalis is Breaking

The winding path of creative resurrection and why sometimes your own medicine takes years to work you

Diary Day 197: Port Hedland, WA

Get me out of here. It’s all I could think about today.

Counting down the hours until I get to board my plane.

Who would’ve thought there’d ever be a day when I’d be sooo excited to fly to Perth.

But these days it’s all I can think about.

And even just sitting at the airport, I can feel a weight lifting.

The fog is gone.

I can feel myself getting excited to have space to just write and flow and be… and work on business again.

As much as I like the consistent income from a job, I know in my heart it’s not what I’m meant to be doing.

And every day it kills me to know the freedom I’m passing up to be here.

But at the same time I’m so grateful to have the money to do things again. And I genuinely enjoy my role. Honestly, if the office would just magically move to Perth, I think I’d be pretty content.

Plus, being at this job means I can go to this trading retreat in Bali, I can invest in a mentor again soon. I can fast track my business strategy because I’ll actually have someone in my corner guiding me.

I haven’t had that in so long and I’m ready to emerge.

I feel like I’ve been buried in the chrysalis for sooooo long.

It’s kinda crazy how that happens. We always get initiated by our own medicine.

4 years ago I tried to launch a program called Creatrix Codes.

It was meant to be about the Metamorphosis journey and how that’s the path we must endure if we’re going to bloom as butterflies.

It’s so fascinating how we always end up getting so initiated by our own medicine. Even if we don’t properly launch something, it can still work us for years.

When I was planning to offer Creatrix Codes I was all set to launch. Did a photoshoot, branding, film production, and so much cool stuff for it. But I sucked at selling and it failed. It’s funny cos the whole premise was living the creation process — void, initiation, chrysalis, essence, metamorphosis… were some of the themes.

I thought I was ready to reshape it as Creatrix Coven last year and that failed too.

Something inside me still wasn’t ready. I still don’t feel like holding spaces is my path. I like being behind the scenes. And maybe it’s a bit of imposter syndrome. To be honest, I’m probably more qualified than half the people out there running embodiment and creativity stuff, but I still don’t feel like I’m informed enough to hold space.

And that’s something I wasn’t even thinking about back when I first launched this. I just thought it would be a cool idea. Not considering the depth of the themes I was journeying and what it would actually take to hold that level of space for people.

So of course it wasn’t meant to work. I’ve had a lot more time in the industry to become more embodied, to understand the power in building slowly, really creating mastery first.

And it might be slow, but it is paying off. Lately I’ve had friends from my East Coast life reaching out wanting support with running workshops and events in Perth. They know I’m so capable of this. I know I’m not meant to be the face, but I love being on the team, supporting others. That’s why the Tech Witch path was so perfect for me.

I was just looking through all my old IG highlights. I really did have such a cool life when my business was peaking. I don’t want to create exactly that again, but I do miss that lifestyle and I know I want to create a version of that.

Who knows what’s coming for me. But I’ve been sitting in the airport looking through some of the old content and stuff I have stored in my drive. Feeling annoyed I lost access to my website, but also feeling like I could just start fresh and really channel some new energy into what I’m offering.

I have a million other things to organise this weekend. Like hair and finding a dress for my bro’s wedding before I leave for Bali on Monday and practicing my MC speech. And making sure I’m ready for trading retreat.

But maybe I’ll throw in rebuilding my website. Or I’ll do it when I get to Bali.

I can already feel things lifting. Bali is such a fertile ground for me to create. I wish I had more time there, but I know it’ll be perfect to unlock whatever needs to be unlocked to propel me forward.

I can feel myself edging closer and closer to my time in Port Hedland coming to a close. All I need is 1-2 consistent retainer clients and I’m golden!