Diary Day 226: South Guildford, WA
We made it through Lion’s Gate. Did you jump on that potent energy to make sure you manifested your new reality? Don’t want to miss an opportunity to call on the heavens to bestow you with everything you’ve been wanting.
Honestly, sometimes the spiritual business world makes me cringe. How much of the same content gets regurgitated by people who don’t even know what they’re talking about?
Learn something. Teach it. Capitalise on it. That’s the model passed down from coach to coach. Breeding an industry of self proclaimed gurus who are great at looking the part, and talking the talk, but haven’t embodied a thing.
Everyone’s looking for virality. Very few seem to care about integrity.
How much are people buying into hype and trends, instead of looking within to see if what they’re doing really resonates?
I’ll sit here and own how I contributed to this in the past. My content was definitely a lot more popular back then.
Nowadays I’m still refining my message. Trying to reclaim my own voice in this mess. It’s what has me oscillating between wanting to be a witch in the forest who keeps to herself, and actually showing up because deep down I know I have wisdom to offer. I’m just figuring out how it all comes together.
I’ve been behind the scenes of a lot of businesses. Oh the stories I could tell. And mostly, I don’t care to keep digging up the past.
This has been my biggest unravelling.
Stepping out of the bubble. Going out into the real world again. Actually having to figure out how to put all my practices and tools to use in a world that was constantly triggering me.
Realising so much of what I’d been doing no longer resonated with me.
I want to learn the witchcraft and folklore of my lineage, not take the mismatched pieces of a thousand butchered and borrowed traditions.
This is why I’m so obsessed with Sicily. With getting my Italian passport. With facing off with all the pieces of me that have wanted to reject my Australian roots, to rush to claim my Italian heritage.
I’m seeing now, how the slower burn has been necessary.
I’m taking you on the journey because that’s what I’ve always been generous with. Letting you in. Sharing pieces of me. And when I don’t do it, it feels like I’m suffocating.
What I say now isn’t neatly repackaged from something a coach told me two days ago. It’s lived experience. It’s alive. I don’t get ChatGPT to write for me. I get woken up with words rattling in my head, chest pounding… this needs to be expressed.
Sometimes I wonder what’s the point of any of it? I got so used to posting for business, to everything needing a call to action, all of it having a clear purpose to sell something. Now just sharing my stories again feels somewhat foreign.
Wasn’t that what social media was about, before it got hijacked and turned into an assembly line of constant production and consumption? Actually being social with fellow humans…
Every day I’ll question, what’s the point of putting myself on the line? Exposing my inner world like this? So much easier to hide. To fade into the distance. Pretend I don’t exist.
But every day some unseen force takes over and says, keep going. Your words matter. What you share is making a difference.
Some days I’ll get messages from people who read something that touches them. And it reminds me, oh yeah, that’s why I do it. To remember we’re not alone in this.
It reminds me of that James Baldwin quote:
“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, who had ever been alive.”
I think mostly I share because one day, if I do decide to start putting out offers again, I want people to have already established trust in me. They’ve witnessed my journey, seen me walk the talk, sit in the fiery pits and reinvent myself more times than I can count.
I share my lived experience. I may not be the most successful at business. I’m not trying to teach you that, so I no longer care about needing to put pressure on myself to prove that I am.
What I am really good at is walking through fire. Burning my life down and trusting something even better will emerge from the ashes. It always does.
I can talk about metamorphosis, death, rebirth, magic, shadow work, sexuality, creation… cos I’ve lived and breathed this stuff. This has become my life’s work.
And I realise now… I’m not in a rush to neatly package it into something to sell. When the time feels right, I trust what will emerge.
I still have dreams of moving to Italy, renovating a home in Sicily, turning it into an artist’s residency, running retreats, and writing my books. This is what fuels me.
It kind of makes sense that my passport didn’t work out through my paternal nonna. It has to be the maternal line. The Sicilian lineage. There’s some thread in that. This island, separate from the mainland, carries so many stories. And each time I return, I’m slowly piecing them together.
In the meantime, I’m just enjoying my life. I treat it as a forever evolving masterpiece. This is my artistry.
I’m not fixated on how this needs to make me money. I just want to inspire others to live a little more freely, boldly, courageously too. I want to see a world where people feel safe to be themselves.
Where expression is celebrated. Where feelings are no longer pushed aside. I want people to know they can come to me and I won’t be afraid to sit in the fire with them. That their shadows don’t scare me.
That I will be a witness in their becoming, just as many people have been gracious enough to witness and hold me through mine.
